#TheGreenOne

It's the last day of March!!! My goodness, has the month flown! This month has been filled with some crazy ups, some slight downs, and a few fun holidays. I'm not sure if you are aware of this or not, but I like super love me some holidays. A couple of weeks ago we celebrated Easter, and before that we had St. Patrick's Day. While I'm not Catholic, I am a Christian, and I love these two holidays. This post though, is dedicated to the good ole green one. While I firmly believe Easter is a very important and sacred holiday, I want to discuss St. Patrick's Day (and since it's my blog, I think I shall).

If you have grown up in the USA, Ireland, or the UK, then I'm going to assume you probably have a pretty good idea what this holiday is about, but just in case you aren't sure what the beautiful holiday is about, then this is a pretty good brief history.

I go crazy on St. Patrick's Day. I deck out in my green, and honestly the day just fills me with joy. My friends think I'm crazy, but I think there are just so many reasons to love the holiday and so, in my normal style, I would now like to present you with a list of why St. Patrick's day is an absolutely wonderful and lovely day (in my humble opinion):

1. Everything is Green!!!! I love green. It is one of my favorite colours and so often under appreciated and I just kind of love how everything gets covered in it on this day. Traditionally in Ireland, as far as I have read, green represoented the Catholics, Orange the Protestants, and the white on the Irish flag is the unity between the two. However, here in the US, pretty much everyone just flows with the green and I'm kind of a fan.
2. Ireland is beautiful. I've never gotten to visit the lovely Eire myself, but I love Ireland. I love the country, I love the people, I love the landscapes I have seen pictures of, and I love the history!
3. It's a part of who I am. America is, or has, been known as the melting pot, and this is so true for my family. While I'm not exactly diverse looking, my ancestry is a mix of nations. I'm blessed enough to have an aunt who is incredibly interested in our family history and has traced it back hundreds of years. The story goes that we have at least one ancestor that lived in Ireland. She became known as Fanny when she came to the US, because no one could pronounce her actual name. She had gone down to see the ships come into harbor one day in Ireland, and she was kidnapped and brought to America and sold off. As a servant, a maid, a wife, I'm not entirely sure, but as tragic as the story is I wouldn't be here without her. So, I see her life alone as reason to celebrate Ireland.
4. I have this super cool friend that is a competitive Irish dancer and this is a day when we both get to be extra geeky and proud. Irish dancing is incredible! If you are interested at all, then I highly suggest the documentary Jig, as a way to dip your toes into the unbelievable culture. Irish Dancers kick butt, and I am forever amazed and awed when I watch them perform. St. Patrick's Day is one guaranteed to be showing off the dancers, and while I know it probably wears them out, I think it's so awesome that they receive the exposure and appreciation they deserve.
5. The reason for the holiday. Like I said, I'm not Catholic, nor am I directly from Ireland. St. Patrick and his story most likely don't directly affect me. However, as a Christian, I am awed by his tale. Essentially he was a missionary, and he is basically fully credited with bring Christianity to Ireland! I have a big heart for missions. It's something I'm super passionate about, and fully support. I think I'm kind of in love with the idea that so many people celebrate St. Patrick and therefore keep sharing him and what he did through out history, even though so many probably don't understand. Most people in the US basically see the day as an excuse to drink green beer and party, but as long as they are celebrating then there are others questioning what the day is actually about and the stories get told, and I think that is indescribable. While Easter followed St. Patrick's day quite closely, and on that day us Christians celebrate some one and something so much more amazing to our world and to Christianity then little ole St. Patrick, I still am glad we celebrate him and perhaps through him other missionaries throughout all the world and all time.

If you couldn't tell, I really love this day. And, just as a little bonus, I thought I would include some pictures I took of the lovely day.

I would just like to share that I legit set up a whole gnome photo shoot for this. I was super proud, extremely excited, and kind of freaking my friends out. I really like gnomes.

I'm aware that this is not a very great, nor is it a flattering picture, but I was so proud of myself for getting my socks in the picture that I don't even care. Look at that outfit!!!

All decorations (and socks) bought at Hobby Lobby.

I hope you were able to enjoy the holidays this past month. Did you do anything exciting? Do you have a favorite holiday? I would love to know! Thanks for spending time on me!

#ValentinesPost

When I first decided to do a post on Valentine's Day I planned to make it all about self love and appreciation, cheers to being single, and how I was going to be my own Valentine this year. I wanted to start with an introduction praising my Valentine for being funny, smart, sweet, and sexy and then hit with the shocker that my Valentine this year is me. I was going to talk about how I refuse to be upset that I'm single on Valentine's Day and how great it is that I can treat myself on such a day. I wanted to talk about being a strong independent woman; maybe even share the story I told my campers this summer of the princess that didn't need saving! I wanted to explain how I firmly believe that until you love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to love you? I wanted to share my theory on finding yourself, falling in love with who you are, and then finding someone that just adds to the greatness that already exists! I wanted other young single women to read my post and feel inspired and uplifted. 

And all that is true and awesome and wonderful... Except it's not the full story of how I feel. Because you see, while I am a strong independent women who doesn't NEED a man, I still want one. While I have had an amazing two days hanging out with other single girls and celebrating Valentine's Day by being cool with being single, I still would have preferred a date. While I believe I'm one of the funniest people I know, and I have days where I can and do acknowledge that I'm intelligent, kind, and beautiful in my own way, I also have days where I'm not the biggest fan of myself. Sometimes it's hard to find my worth. Sometimes I hate being single. Sometimes I see couples and I long for what they have that I haven't ever experienced. And, here is the real kicker, feeling all that is completely okay!

I don't know if I will ever fall in love with someone. I don't know if I will have the cute relationship, the hard times, the wedding of my dreams, and a long life with someone I love who also loves me back. There are moments where I hate not knowing that. There are times when I fear that I will never meet someone that loves me for me, get married, and have the 8 kids I want. It's terrifying not knowing. It sucks to be in college and never have been kissed, or been asked on a date. To see your friends, the people you've grown up with, fall in love, get married, have kids, sharing a life with someone, and not doing it yourself can be a bit depressing.
AND THAT'S OKAY!!! Because, here is the deal. These desires, the longings, and the wants are natural. It is human nature to want to fall in love and start a family. It's normal to see everyone else further along than you and be a little freaked out. It's fine to aspire to love and be loved. Love is a wonderful thing!!! The issue is when you can't find the balance. I would love to fall in love, but that doesn't mean I'm going to, and I'm learning to acknowledge that. I have amazing friends, a wonderful family, big dreams, and career goals (sorta), and I'm not going to give all that up. I'm not putting my life on hold while I wait for someone. I'm not planning my life around the "could be's". I really am finding myself, and learning to fall in love with who I am, but I'm also accepting that sometimes you can't control all of your feelings.

The guy I have been crushing on for a couple years is in a semi-official relationship (in case you haven't picked up on it, it's not with me), and I keep seeing the lucky girl every freaken where I go. It sorta sucks. I'm kind of happy for them, while also feeling like my heart is breaking in two every time I think about it. The worst part, though, is the frustration I have been feeling for myself for feeling that way. I've invested two years of thoughts, feelings, hopes, and way too many conversations into this fellow, and yet I expect myself to just not care? That's unrealistic. If I was able to just stop all the emotions toward him, then I probably never felt anything real in the first place. There is that quote that says "It's better to have loved and lost then never have loved at all" and while I wouldn't say I was in love with him, I kinda get where the quote is heading. I would prefer to have never had feelings for a guy I will never have, but I also recognize that one of the miraculous parts of being a human is feelings, emotions, and relationships on all levels, and I'm glad I get to experience that. 
I know this post is sorta long, and kind of all over the place, but I really do have a point. I think it's important to love yourself. You need to know who you are, what you believe, and like yourself before you can really invest in others or accept their investments in you (and that goes for all types of relationships). I think it's okay to be single on Valentine's Day, and that celebrating yourself and your friends is awesome, but I also think it's okay to not want to be single. There is no need to be ashamed of who you are and how you feel, and that means owning up to all your emotions (the good, bad, and undesirable). I know that I have friends and family that love me. I believe I have a heavenly Father that sees me and loves me, and that is too great of a thing to put into words. I know great things can happen in my life; I want to seek after all I can; I refuse to put my life on hold waiting for what may never come in the way I want; but that doesn't mean I can't still want a man to fall in love with. Fall in love with yourself, but never stop feeling what you are feeling.