#Moana

Confession time, I love Disney princess movies. I love Disney in general, like am overly passionate about it for someone in their 20's, but those princess movies are where it is at. I know Disney isn't exactly an unpopular thing to like- it's very stereotypical white girl, and I'm okay with that. However, that is not the point of this post. I tell you I love Disney princess movies because I want to discuss one in particular today, Moana.

I feel like the responsible "blogger" thing to do would be to list info about Moana right now, release date, popularity, all that info, but I'm just going to assume you know about Moana and not go into all of that. Moana is one of those Disney movies that came out with such popularity it's almost difficult to not know about it. It easily slid into place as one of my favorites the first time I saw it.

I think the movie was incredibly well done, and honestly there is so much I could go on about why I loved the movie (Hei Hei in general is deserving of his own blog post) but I actually just want to discuss one scene. If you haven't seen the movie then you might want to stop reading now. I saw that partially because of spoilers, and partially because I don't know that you will fully understand what I'm about to describe if you have never seen it for yourself. With that warning in place, let's get on with it,

Picture the big scene. The climax of the movie, Moana and Maui fighting to return the heart of Te Fiti. Maui is serving as a distraction and our heroine is standing on some rocks in the middle of the ocean about to return the heart of Te Fiti only to realize that Te Fiti is gone. Holding the salvation for her people in her hand she looks down and everything clicks. The lava monster Te Ka is roaring behind her, about to approach, and Moana knows what she has to do. Maui has a beautiful moment doing a haka, and right as Te Ka is about to destroy him Moana gets this monsters attention. She holds up the heart of Te Fiti, the heart of Te Ka, one in the same.  

In one of the most visually stunning moments of the film, and an incredible emotional (slightly scary) scene Moana gives orders to the ocean "Let her come to me."As the waters part and Te Ka crawls towards Moana she, in true Disney princess fashion, begins to sing, 

"I have crossed the ocean to find you.

I know your name

They have stolen the heart from inside you.

But this does not define you

This is not who you are

You know who you are"

Moana restores Te Fiti's heart after whispering to the lava monster "I know who you are" and greeting her in traditional fashion. Once the heart is restored Te Ka transformers into the beautiful Te Fiti. The whole sequence is stunning. It's one of those scenes that almost seems to demand a respectful hush in what ever room the film is being watched. It's a scene that was so well done and it leaves an impact.

I cry watching this scene. I know it might seem a bit extreme to some of you, but let me explain. I had seen the film before but during my last summer at camp we all watched it together. Crowded into the chapel, laying on the floor, the scene hit me in a way it never had. I don't know if it's because of all that I was dealing with at the time, or if it's because I was in a spiritual mindset after spending weeks at a Christian camp, but I saw Christ in that scene and it was beautiful. 

I don't want to take away from any meaning the writers, directors, and cultural experts that contributed to the movie actual meant for the film or this scene in particular. I know that there is cultural significance to the Polynesian people in regards to certain aspects of the film. I in no way want to take away from that, but I couldn't help to watch the movie and be stuck by how similar Moana's words to broken, pained, monstrous Te Ka is to Jesus when He looks at us.

Do you see where I'm going with this? Can you see what I am seeing? Te Ka and Te Fiti are one in the same, just one is without their heart. Te Ka is portrayed as a lava monster, causing death, destruction, screaming and thrashing around. Te Fiti, with the heart, is calm, life giving, mother nature, quiet, peaceful, and beautiful. It's a stark difference, a drastic change, and while watching the film I saw what happened to my soul when I was saved by Christ. Like Te Ka I was broken, dying, screaming out in pain, causing destruction, until Jesus transformed me. I believe that at the moment of salvation the Holy Spirit enters a person, kind of like the moment that the heart of Te Fiti was restored. We are made whole, complete, given peace and a purpose when it happens. It is beautiful!

As much as the visuals of the scene hit me, the words hit just as hard. Sitting in that chapel listening to Moana sing I felt like I could almost hear Jesus saying "this is what I did for you, this is what I said to you". I've heard the phrase often in my life that the devil knows your name but calls you by your sin while Jesus knows your sin yet calls you by your name... "I know your name". I believe that all humans are innately sinful, I believe that the only perfect human to ever walk this earth was Jesus, and I believe that we often spend this life wading and basking in sin and destruction instead of seeking that saving grace. We let the sins of this world, our own human desires, consume us and rule us- "They have stolen the heart from inside you". But, the crazy thing is, much like Moana crossed the ocean to restore Te Fiti's heart, Jesus crossed from heaven to earth to save us. He sees our sin and shame and He tells us that it doesn't have to define us. He has paid the cost and His blood can cover all our wrongs. We have been called to more than sin, we have been called to a life abundant in Christ. We are God's creation, His children, His beloved... we are not our sin!

You might think I'm crazy. Either for believing in Christ or for reading that much into a children's movie, but let me tell you- Moana moved me. It wrecked me. I set there crying in that chapel overwhelmed with God's mercy, grace, and love. I have watched the movie quite a few times since. Every time it gets to that part I can't help but smile. I still tear up sometimes. I know it might seem crazy, but I so hope that you get to experience the same thing I did. I hope that you have that moment of just simple doing life and enjoying happy things and the true power and being of God just hitting you. A "God moment" as it's sometimes cheesily called. 

1. I love Moana. I love Disney. But, man I love my God so much more. 

#Pword

I want to talk to you about sex... sort of. Actually, I want to talk to you about purity. If you were raised in any sort of Christian environment then you know that these topics pretty much always go hand in hand. I'm reading a book at the moment on emotional purity. The premise of the book is to encourage health relationships (friendships) between opposite sex individuals by setting boundaries in emotional conversations and situations. I'm reading the book by recommendation from a good friend, and I think the basis of the book is great! I think that this is a real issue that isn't discussed enough in Christian circles. I think often the conversation of purity is focused purely on the physical aspect and not enough on the emotional side.

I'm only a couple chapters into the book. I don't want to name it until I've given it a full read through, but I do want to go ahead and discuss one issue I have with the conversation in the book. My purity is not for my future husband. I'm going to say that again, my purity is not for my future husband. I've set in numerous chapels, small groups, read countless articles, books, and bible studies that all encourage young Christians to remain virgins, stay pure, so that you can one day present your spouse with the ultimate gift. We endocrine our youth with the idea that if they aren't pure, if they aren't virgins, then they are failing their spouse. We say that purity is something you owe your spouse, this is the ultimate display of love.

I believe the bible does encourage people to stay pure until marriage. I think that this is the intended idea and that it is something to strive for... but I don't think it's sole purpose is for our spouse. Can I be real honest for a moment? My future spouse, who may or may never come along, is not enough for me to stay pure. This person that currently doesn't exist in my life and may never actually exist is not the reason I want to strive for purity. They are not reason enough. I don't know if I will ever get married. I don't know that my spouse will themselves be a virgin. I don't know that my spouse will be the first person I fall in love with to be real, and they just aren't reason enough.

But Jesus is. I don't know if I will ever have a man that loves me enough to spend his life with me, but Jesus already loved me enough to die for me. I'm not sure if I will ever have a wedding day, but Jesus already had a resurrection day. I don't know if I will ever have a spouse, but God knew about me before my parents ever gave thought to me. I believe the bible encourages purity. We are to strive for emotional and physical purity not because it is what makes us worthy of marriage but because God has made us, loved us, and called us to present our bodies as a holy and living sacrifice and that means that it is all for Him. 

I think that emotional intimacy is necessary for a marriage to last, and I think that this type of relationship with a person that is not your spouse is harmful because of the harm it causes us when those feelings and expectations go un-returned. I think that sex is something that is intended to be shared between husband and wife and that it is a beautiful and life giving thing, but I don't think think that sex before marriage ruins you. I think it hurts you. I think it leaves scares because it is such an intimate gesture and once again when that intimacy is not returned it causes doubts, insecurities, pains, and misunderstandings to arise. However, I think that if the only reason you refrain from sex is for another person, if that is what we teach our youth, then we are setting them up for hurt and failure.

Mo Isom wrote an incredible book titled Sex, Jesus, and the Conversations the Church Forgot that explains this way better than I ever can. I highly encourage all young, and old, Christians and church goers to read it. I think Mo does an excellent job of explaining what purity really is and how we have gotten it so wrong and twisted over the years. I picked this book up on a whim, but it is one that speaks truth because Mo takes it back to Jesus. She takes it back to the bible and explains why sex is great, what purity really means, and what this should look like in our lives.

I don't think this is an easy topic. It's taboo. It's uncomfortable. It's one that the church doesn't discuss because I think a lot of people in the church no longer know how. When your purity is the reason you think another person should value you then you are setting your self up for hurt. It's why so many Christian women struggle after marriage. It why shame enters otherwise Godly relationships, because if your only reason for remaining pure was so that you could then give that purity to someone else, then what are you left with? If your reason for remaining pure is so that you can honor and glorify God, and then you have sex and intimacy in the context He created it for, you see the beauty and you see God's love.

I'm not saying that remaining or striving for purity for Christ suddenly makes it easier. Lust and sexual desires, intimate personal relationships, trust and openness with the wrong people, all these things can and will still be temptations. I just feel like, for me at least, those temptations become a lot more worthy of a fight when I know that it is God that is pleased and not some man that may never actually exist.

#WillWork

When I was in the 8th grade we had to do a research paper on college options and career paths. We were expected to choose three universities we might be interested in attending one day and what major we would like to do there. They asked us to do this in 8th grade so that we could better choose what path we would need to take in high school. Did we need to strive to be in the accelerated math program, align our classes with the goal of doing AP by junior year? Was duel enrollment a better option for the university we wanted to attend?

Realistically our teachers knew we would probably switch career dreams by time we graduated, but it was something we were expected to be in consideration of the whole time we were in school in order to be the best prepared. It is the goal of college prep schools to prepare you for college after all.

In 8th grade I chose three universities that by time I actually graduated high school I would learn there was no chance of me ever affording. All three were private Christian universities, some of the best in their states. They weren't Ivy League or anything, but they were nice. I wrote about attending school for a history major. I wanted to focus on Native American studies and work side by side with native communities to preserve, understand, and share the history and culture. I actually considered a history degree of some variety up until my junior year of high school.

Choosing a school and major become more real around junior year of high school. At that time you are expected to actually put in applications to schools. It's no longer hypothetical but reality. Junior year of high school I decided I wanted a career path with more meaning. I didn't want to become a teacher or work in a museum, and so while I loved history it really wasn't the right major for me. I wanted something with meaning. I wanted to do a job that helped me serve others. I started looking into psychology and social work, and after research, meetings with advisers, college acceptances, and more important scholarships and financial aid acceptances I ended up at a smallish tech school an hour from my home town that covered me in full. I went to school for a degree in Sociology with a double concentration in Social Work and Criminal Justice and a minor in Psychology. I graduated after four years, and I then went on to work at Starbucks for the next year.

Can I be honest? I'm still not positive I know what I want to do with my life. In 6th grade when asked I told them I wanted to become a solider. In lower elementary school when asked I said a clown, and in upper elementary I wanted to become a baker. During college I considering going on to get a masters in counseling, I've talked about opening a coffee shop, trying to go to law school, and I've looked a lot into missions. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I'm not sure what the future holds for me... and I'm not entirely sure I will ever know.

That's not to say I don't have goals. I have things I desire out of life, I'm just not sure on a career. I want to be a wife, and a mom. I want to continue to always be involved in a church that I love. I want to have friends all over that I get to travel and see. I want to travel. I want to never stop learning. I want to learn about theology, I want to study religions, I want to know history, I want to be taught new crafts, and I never want to think I know all I need to know about any topic. I want to be happy, to find joy in the little things. I want to have a home that others feel welcomed in, a cozy place I can retreat to as well.

I want to share the Gospel. I want to serve God. I want to love others, and love them well. I want to make relationships with people that really pour into me, and then I want to form connections that I can pour back into. I want to know God and I want to really understand His word. I want Christ to be the center of my life, and I want to go wherever He directs me. I'm not sure where that is yet, not entirely at least. I know God has placed me in the town that I'm supposed to be in, and He has blessed me with an incredible community. I know what church I'm supposed to be at, but I'm still figuring out in what way. I don't have a job, and I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I'm applying... sorta. I know that I want to work with kids, and I know that ministry is heavy on my heart, but I'm not sure what comes next. Kind of like when I was in 8th grade, I'm not positive what is the most realistic, and I haven't entirely worked out what the step by step plan is, but I'm looking into it and I'm rolling with it... and I'm excited to look back on this time and the journey that comes.