#ThankfulThoughts

Happy Thanksgiving!!! We are just over 2 hours away from my absolute favorite holiday and therefore I decided to share 26 of the little things in life I'm extra thankful for.

1. Crunchy leaves
2. Lush Bath bombs
3. Grande vanilla iced coffee with milk
4. Chocolate, any chocolate, all chocolate... I'm really thankful for chocolate.
5. Disney movies, and Disney marathons, and those Harry Potter marathons that ABC Family is so fond of! (Can we also just appreciate that they are currently doing a countdown to a countdown; I find this freaking fabulous!)
6. New underwear. I don't know why, but it makes me happy.
7. Fluffy Blankets. I have, no exaggeration, 12 on my bed right now.
8. Cute towns decorated with pretty Christmas lights.
9. Sweaters
10. Snowflakes
11. Ed Sheeran... I really love that man.
12. Fluffy cats
13. Soup (It's my favorite food group.)
14. When friends want to hang out.
15. Pinterest -- it's kind of my addiction.
16. A nice hot cup of tea :)
17. Candles
18. Netflix (Currently obsessed with Sons of Anarchy)
19. YouTube
20. Fresh Pajamas
21. Smooth legs
22. That calmness that comes over you when someone plays with your hair.
23. Letters and Packages
24. Those "daily odd compliments" I find on Pinterest
25. A good book and relaxing time to enjoy it.
26. Parades! The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is something I look forward to all year long!

There are a lot of other things I'm grateful for; these are just some of the little things that make me happy and are often overlooked and under-appreciated. I want to encourage you to think of some of the little things that you're grateful for this time of year. I know that these things make me appreciate my life a little more when I actually give them thought, plus on a bad day looking at this makes me brighten up a bit. I also want to encourage you to let the bigger things in your life, you know family and friends and all that fun stuff, know that you are grateful for them. They probably already know, but it's always nice to hear (and that goes for all year around not just one day a year). Happy Thanksgiving to those that celebrate it, and Happy Normal Day of Thankfulness to those that don't!

#LetterIWillNeverSend

Dear guy I gave a part of my heart to,

 How you doing? Good, great! Here's the thing, we met my freshman year. I'm not sure you remember our exact first meeting, but I do. I walked into the coffee shop, you know the one, to meet with our group and there you were. You turned, and you smiled, and I swear I lost the ability to breathe. I wanted to turn and hightail it out of there and I didn't even realize you were one of the ones we were meeting at that point. I remember thinking you looked like an athlete. I also remember really hoping you were not some stuck up, judgmental jock (I know that was super judgmental of me). And, I know you had the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. I didn't really think much else of you that semester. I thought you were attractive, and I was interested to know more, but it's not like it was crush at first sight (just super appreciation). However, I remember that year over Christmas break I realized I kind of was missing being around you. I think that's when I first realized I was starting to fall for you.

Next semester came, and my feelings for you grew. You were smart, a great leader, and you made me laugh. Have I mentioned that I found you extremely attractive? You became a distraction for me, and while logically I knew you would never feel the same, my heart wouldn't let go of the hope. Summer came, and I did something stupid. I told you I was falling for you. Let me clarify: I don't regret telling you. I regret doing it via Facebook messenger. (Literally I'm so ashamed that typing that hurt.) You were kind with your response, you kind of guessed already, and you assured me things wouldn't be awkward or change.

That last bit was an unintentional lie I think. The next school year came. I had honestly thought I wouldn't be around you much anymore, which is part of the reason I went ahead and told you how I felt, but things never turn out the way one plans. We were thrown together again, you know how I mean. I wasn't expecting that, and honestly I didn't know how to handle it. You were cool at first, until I expressed an interest in the mission trip you were leading up. Let me set this straight. I didn't want to go at first. I honestly thought it sounded cool but not for me, and then I felt like God was telling me to apply. You are great and all, but when God says apply for the mission trip... it's better to apply. We both know how that one turned out. God was leading me somewhere else, and we continued toward our separate summer plans. You turned a bit awkward towards me for a bit, but things slowly returned to normal, and now here we are.

I would say that this semester we have slowly started developing a friendship. I say that this week because you have actually been talking to me. You see, you go hot and cold on your communication and I never know where I stand with you. Communication is not one of your strong suits, and it drives me up a wall.

Anyway, back to the point. You're leaving soon. Like really leaving, going off on a new adventure in life, and I just have some things I want to make clear before you do.

1. I like you... a lot.

2. I know you are not interested in me.

3. Knowing number 2 does not change number 1.

4. I don't want you to go, but I genuinely wish you well. I know you will do amazing things and I am truly excited for you.

5. I made a mistake, and even though I don't know you super well, and even though I know you will never return the same, and even though I knew it would never happen, I accidentally gave you a piece of my heart and

6. I want it back.

You go off and do your thing, I know it will be great. Go off and meet some one, fall in love, start a family, accomplish all that you are meant to! Because my hope, my prayer, is that when you leave, I will finally be able to take back the piece of my heart I offered. I'm going to stitch it back together, and I will finally move on.

Love (Hey, I have 5 more weeks to keep dreaming!),

the girl who has unwillingly fallen for you

#Tattedup

I was going to make my first "real" post a sort of "about me" type thing, because I figured that's what I'm probably supposed to do. However, I kind of hate writing those and have therefore decided to share about myself in a roundabout way. I'm going to share my tattoo story. 

I decided when I was about 13 that I really wanted a tattoo when I got older. It wasn't a thought I shared with a lot of people, just one of those fleeting what-if scenarios. But the thought was there. My mom has two tattoos and my dad is dead set against them for religious reasons (he likes to throw in that he also just thinks they are tacky and pointless), but I have always had an interest. I'm not exactly an artist -- I would give that title to my brother, who is studying art -- but I have a great appreciation for art. Tattoos, to me, are such a great artistic expression of one's self. I know this is also pretty cliche and cheesy so far, but bear with me.

When I was 16 I pretty much decided on what I would one day permanently mark my body with.

Psalm 139:14 says, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful,

    I know that full well." (NIV).

(This is right after so that's why it's cray cray red. Also, it wasn't as painful as everyone thinks it looks.)

When I was 16 I decided to give my life over to the Lord, a permanent change to my spiritual body. 

See, my tattoo story and my salvation experience kind of go hand in hand.

I was raised in church, Sunday school, VBS, and going to a Christian school, but I was separated from God until I turned 16. I don't intend to turn this blog into a strictly Christian blog; I don't know enough for that and I have to many non-religious things to rant about. However, these seemingly random experiences kind of define who I am.

The reason I chose that verse, the reason I say these acts go together, is because I struggled with self worth for years. When I was around the age of 13 I had some pretty crappy people in my life. I was still learning to deal with my parents' divorce while trying to find my place in the social world. I had "best friends" that treated me like I was a waste of their time, who told others that I was annoying. I had friends that used me, yet weren't there when I most needed them. I had an adult step into my life that made me miserable with mostly verbal comments, snide remarks, and other petty actions. Basically, I had people that tore me down when I most needed a helping hand. I didn't realize how badly this affected me. I didn't know how little I thought of myself -- until I started to make changes.

I had an amazing friend step into my life. She was smart, kind, and had absolutely no interest in typical teenage drama. I had some family members that made it known they knew I was struggling and that they were there for me no matter what. Honestly, I think I got so tired of the bull crap that I did away with it all until I found the stuff that actually made me happy.

Fast forward a few years and I'm 16. I know who God is but I have no relationship with Him, but I decided to go to a missions conference because that friend I mentioned earlier was going. I'm not going to go into great detail, but basically one of the speakers really said what I needed to hear (that might be another post for another day), and I realized there that the only thing that had been keeping me from having that relationship with Christ was my false thoughts of not being someone God would save. He already offered me salvation, 2,000 years ago when He died on a cross, and I was the one refusing. Two weeks after the conference I was saved while at a revival meeting one night, but I didn't tell any one for a year.

When I started this post, I didn't intend to share any of my salvation experience, but that's part of the back story so there you go. My tattoo is "fearfully and wonderfully made" because it has and continues to serve as a constant reminder of who I am. I never really had any hesitations about getting a tattoo, other than knowing my father was dead set against it, but I did do a lot of research to be confident in my decision (if you are interested on knowing where I stand from a biblical view this video sums it up) and to make sure I was choosing the right shop for myself.  I found Safe House Tattoo which is based in Nashville (my hometown), and I loved all their artist work. Actually, it was their artists' bios, along with their portfolios, that sold me on this shop. I sent them an email, got hooked up with Zane Pendergast, and booked the appointment for Thanksgiving Eve. I have had no regrets and could honestly not be more pleased with how it turned out two years down the line.

 I love tattoos, and I have plans for more. I love the shop I chose, and I would love to use them again when I'm all saved up. And, I love my God, and I'm excited to see how my little expression of what He has done for me can maybe be used by Him one day.

I know this isn't your typical introduction to a person. This isn't how I expected this to turn out, but it's my story, my passions, and I hope someone out there can enjoy!

#HereWeGo

I think one of the most daunting tasks a human can partake in is to start something new. Start a school, start a job, start a friendship, start a relationship, start a hobby, start a blog... it's terrifying. I've made myself quite comfortable on the internet for years. Watching YouTube, stalking Pinterest, cruising blogs, all to bring myself joy but all while remaining anonymous. However, with the year wrapping up and myself trying to make some rather large decisions about life, I have decided to go all in and invest in the things I love. I wouldn't say I'm jumping in; more like sticking my feet in until I'm a little more comfortable, but I've changed and I'm committed.

All that to say, Hi. Hey world I love so much, I'm ready to participate! This is scary, and I'm having many doubts, but my excitement has me almost shaking because I am so ready.

I don't really know what this blog will be. It will most likely turn into just random rambles, but I hope someone is able to find joy or entertainment in them. I'm here, and I'm ready, so let's see where this journey take us, shall we?