#Pword

I want to talk to you about sex... sort of. Actually, I want to talk to you about purity. If you were raised in any sort of Christian environment then you know that these topics pretty much always go hand in hand. I'm reading a book at the moment on emotional purity. The premise of the book is to encourage health relationships (friendships) between opposite sex individuals by setting boundaries in emotional conversations and situations. I'm reading the book by recommendation from a good friend, and I think the basis of the book is great! I think that this is a real issue that isn't discussed enough in Christian circles. I think often the conversation of purity is focused purely on the physical aspect and not enough on the emotional side.

I'm only a couple chapters into the book. I don't want to name it until I've given it a full read through, but I do want to go ahead and discuss one issue I have with the conversation in the book. My purity is not for my future husband. I'm going to say that again, my purity is not for my future husband. I've set in numerous chapels, small groups, read countless articles, books, and bible studies that all encourage young Christians to remain virgins, stay pure, so that you can one day present your spouse with the ultimate gift. We endocrine our youth with the idea that if they aren't pure, if they aren't virgins, then they are failing their spouse. We say that purity is something you owe your spouse, this is the ultimate display of love.

I believe the bible does encourage people to stay pure until marriage. I think that this is the intended idea and that it is something to strive for... but I don't think it's sole purpose is for our spouse. Can I be real honest for a moment? My future spouse, who may or may never come along, is not enough for me to stay pure. This person that currently doesn't exist in my life and may never actually exist is not the reason I want to strive for purity. They are not reason enough. I don't know if I will ever get married. I don't know that my spouse will themselves be a virgin. I don't know that my spouse will be the first person I fall in love with to be real, and they just aren't reason enough.

But Jesus is. I don't know if I will ever have a man that loves me enough to spend his life with me, but Jesus already loved me enough to die for me. I'm not sure if I will ever have a wedding day, but Jesus already had a resurrection day. I don't know if I will ever have a spouse, but God knew about me before my parents ever gave thought to me. I believe the bible encourages purity. We are to strive for emotional and physical purity not because it is what makes us worthy of marriage but because God has made us, loved us, and called us to present our bodies as a holy and living sacrifice and that means that it is all for Him. 

I think that emotional intimacy is necessary for a marriage to last, and I think that this type of relationship with a person that is not your spouse is harmful because of the harm it causes us when those feelings and expectations go un-returned. I think that sex is something that is intended to be shared between husband and wife and that it is a beautiful and life giving thing, but I don't think think that sex before marriage ruins you. I think it hurts you. I think it leaves scares because it is such an intimate gesture and once again when that intimacy is not returned it causes doubts, insecurities, pains, and misunderstandings to arise. However, I think that if the only reason you refrain from sex is for another person, if that is what we teach our youth, then we are setting them up for hurt and failure.

Mo Isom wrote an incredible book titled Sex, Jesus, and the Conversations the Church Forgot that explains this way better than I ever can. I highly encourage all young, and old, Christians and church goers to read it. I think Mo does an excellent job of explaining what purity really is and how we have gotten it so wrong and twisted over the years. I picked this book up on a whim, but it is one that speaks truth because Mo takes it back to Jesus. She takes it back to the bible and explains why sex is great, what purity really means, and what this should look like in our lives.

I don't think this is an easy topic. It's taboo. It's uncomfortable. It's one that the church doesn't discuss because I think a lot of people in the church no longer know how. When your purity is the reason you think another person should value you then you are setting your self up for hurt. It's why so many Christian women struggle after marriage. It why shame enters otherwise Godly relationships, because if your only reason for remaining pure was so that you could then give that purity to someone else, then what are you left with? If your reason for remaining pure is so that you can honor and glorify God, and then you have sex and intimacy in the context He created it for, you see the beauty and you see God's love.

I'm not saying that remaining or striving for purity for Christ suddenly makes it easier. Lust and sexual desires, intimate personal relationships, trust and openness with the wrong people, all these things can and will still be temptations. I just feel like, for me at least, those temptations become a lot more worthy of a fight when I know that it is God that is pleased and not some man that may never actually exist.