#LITTLETEN

Y'all!!! This is my 10th post!!!! That means I have written and posted 10 whole blogs! I know to most people this probably isn't a very big deal, but I'm so excited to have stuck with something this long. I love what this blog has become for me, and how it's shaping up. I really hope some one is getting something out of the blogs I've shared, but honestly I am just so #proud of myself and what I have accomplished (I know, it's just a measly 10 post, but IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS!!!). In fact, that is what this post is dedicated to! I would like to present all of you wonderful mythical readers with 10 little things in my life that I love!

1. Makeup
2. Desserts
3. Travelling

4. FanFiction

5. Tattoos

6. Other Blogs

7. Dream Catchers

8. Bathbombs

9. Books

10. YouTube

If you have made it this far, then I want to thank you from the depths of my heart! Honestly this post probably isn't the greatest 10th Post of all time, but I wanted to share a little more info about me  and the things I love. Also, this post does serve another purpose... All the lovely little things listed above are motivation for more post to come!!! Sneak peaks if you will! Thank you for reading, and I hope you will stick around for the adventure!

#TheGreenOne

It's the last day of March!!! My goodness, has the month flown! This month has been filled with some crazy ups, some slight downs, and a few fun holidays. I'm not sure if you are aware of this or not, but I like super love me some holidays. A couple of weeks ago we celebrated Easter, and before that we had St. Patrick's Day. While I'm not Catholic, I am a Christian, and I love these two holidays. This post though, is dedicated to the good ole green one. While I firmly believe Easter is a very important and sacred holiday, I want to discuss St. Patrick's Day (and since it's my blog, I think I shall).

If you have grown up in the USA, Ireland, or the UK, then I'm going to assume you probably have a pretty good idea what this holiday is about, but just in case you aren't sure what the beautiful holiday is about, then this is a pretty good brief history.

I go crazy on St. Patrick's Day. I deck out in my green, and honestly the day just fills me with joy. My friends think I'm crazy, but I think there are just so many reasons to love the holiday and so, in my normal style, I would now like to present you with a list of why St. Patrick's day is an absolutely wonderful and lovely day (in my humble opinion):

1. Everything is Green!!!! I love green. It is one of my favorite colours and so often under appreciated and I just kind of love how everything gets covered in it on this day. Traditionally in Ireland, as far as I have read, green represoented the Catholics, Orange the Protestants, and the white on the Irish flag is the unity between the two. However, here in the US, pretty much everyone just flows with the green and I'm kind of a fan.
2. Ireland is beautiful. I've never gotten to visit the lovely Eire myself, but I love Ireland. I love the country, I love the people, I love the landscapes I have seen pictures of, and I love the history!
3. It's a part of who I am. America is, or has, been known as the melting pot, and this is so true for my family. While I'm not exactly diverse looking, my ancestry is a mix of nations. I'm blessed enough to have an aunt who is incredibly interested in our family history and has traced it back hundreds of years. The story goes that we have at least one ancestor that lived in Ireland. She became known as Fanny when she came to the US, because no one could pronounce her actual name. She had gone down to see the ships come into harbor one day in Ireland, and she was kidnapped and brought to America and sold off. As a servant, a maid, a wife, I'm not entirely sure, but as tragic as the story is I wouldn't be here without her. So, I see her life alone as reason to celebrate Ireland.
4. I have this super cool friend that is a competitive Irish dancer and this is a day when we both get to be extra geeky and proud. Irish dancing is incredible! If you are interested at all, then I highly suggest the documentary Jig, as a way to dip your toes into the unbelievable culture. Irish Dancers kick butt, and I am forever amazed and awed when I watch them perform. St. Patrick's Day is one guaranteed to be showing off the dancers, and while I know it probably wears them out, I think it's so awesome that they receive the exposure and appreciation they deserve.
5. The reason for the holiday. Like I said, I'm not Catholic, nor am I directly from Ireland. St. Patrick and his story most likely don't directly affect me. However, as a Christian, I am awed by his tale. Essentially he was a missionary, and he is basically fully credited with bring Christianity to Ireland! I have a big heart for missions. It's something I'm super passionate about, and fully support. I think I'm kind of in love with the idea that so many people celebrate St. Patrick and therefore keep sharing him and what he did through out history, even though so many probably don't understand. Most people in the US basically see the day as an excuse to drink green beer and party, but as long as they are celebrating then there are others questioning what the day is actually about and the stories get told, and I think that is indescribable. While Easter followed St. Patrick's day quite closely, and on that day us Christians celebrate some one and something so much more amazing to our world and to Christianity then little ole St. Patrick, I still am glad we celebrate him and perhaps through him other missionaries throughout all the world and all time.

If you couldn't tell, I really love this day. And, just as a little bonus, I thought I would include some pictures I took of the lovely day.

I would just like to share that I legit set up a whole gnome photo shoot for this. I was super proud, extremely excited, and kind of freaking my friends out. I really like gnomes.

I'm aware that this is not a very great, nor is it a flattering picture, but I was so proud of myself for getting my socks in the picture that I don't even care. Look at that outfit!!!

All decorations (and socks) bought at Hobby Lobby.

I hope you were able to enjoy the holidays this past month. Did you do anything exciting? Do you have a favorite holiday? I would love to know! Thanks for spending time on me!

#insecurities

When I was in middle school I had a "best" friend. I thought she was really cool and funny and thought she enjoyed being around me too. One day I started to walk into the bathroom at a drama camp we were both at to hear her telling someone else how she thought I was super annoying, not talented, and wished I hadn't signed up for the camp. Let me repeat, this was in MIDDLE SCHOOL. I'm in college, and I can still remember this particular event. For years it's what lead me to constantly ask my friends "Am I getting on your nerves?", "If I'm annoying you can just to tell me okay?", "You promise you don't think I'm obnoxious?". 

I'm going to be honest, even now I catch myself pretty frequently asking similar questions, or "Are you mad at me? Have I upset you?". I basically constantly fear that my friends don't want to be around me. I trick myself into believing they are doing it out of obligation, not out of want. I tell myself lies such as "They don't actually want you to come to..", "You're a crappy friend.", "They are only hanging out with you because of pity.", and many other various harsh variations. I get nervous asking friends to do things with me. I feel like my text to them are obnoxious. I doubt if they actually meant to invite me to things, and I worry about what they say when I'm not around.

I know I shouldn't be so insecure because of what a silly middle school girl said to me years ago. But, I also battle an anxiety disorder. There for a lot of times I know the thoughts I have regarding my friendships probably have no sound reasoning, but I can't always make them go away. My anxiety amplifies my insecurities and it can be a lot to handle. I often need reassurance from my friends that they like me and want to spend time with me, which is a big request to make from even your closest of friends. Thankfully most of my friends understand that this is something I struggle with, and so they are pretty cool with it. That doesn't make it disappear, but it does make it easier to handle.

Partially because of my anxiety, I'm not always the most dependable and I tend to bail. I'm easily overwhelmed by large groups, new places, or new experiences and I don't always follow through. On bad days, or days when I'm stressed out, I really get lost in my own head and I can seem kind of moody. That also happens if there is simply something I'm thinking about such as a story I was reading, homework I need to do at some point, or what I'm going to cook later. I often worry about annoying people if I text them, so I'm not always good at staying in contact with people. I'm pretty sarcastic, and can come off as kind of mean because of this (which is something that I'm honestly trying to work on, just not always something I catch until it's too late). I can be a handful, but can't we all?  I love deeply, I care a lot about my friends, and I really enjoy spending time with them, so why can't I believe they feel the same way towards me?

It's improving. I've gotten better, more confident and assured as I've gotten older. I have a couple friends I almost never worry about, and that number continues to grow and the worries get smaller. I'm more in control of my anxiety and I'm pretty self aware, but the reason I wanted to share all this (and believe me it was not an easy decision) is because it's hard to deal with. I know I'm not the only one that has some of the struggles. I hope that maybe by sharing how I feel, others might feel less alone, or like they can better understand themselves. But, I also want to share some of my feelings, and what can help me. If you are like me, maybe you will find some comfort, and if you have a friend like me, maybe you will find some understanding. 

1. I'm aware that my constant questions about being annoying or making you mad, might in fact annoy your or make you mad. But I need reassurance sometimes, and a simple "No, you never annoy me." or "I enjoy being around you." can really change my mood.
2. I don't want to bail on you. In fact, I'm worried that because I said no to something you will never ask me to do anything again, but for whatever reason I don't feel like I can handle this event. Ask me anyways. Invite me again. Don't force me, or guilt trip me, but let me know you would like for me to come but understand if I don't. I promise I will say yes to something one day, and I will have an amazing time with you.
3. If I am being ridiculous, obnoxious, or mean, please let me know. If I have upset you, or offended you, let's discuss it. I have literally lost sleep over not knowing why a friend seemed frustrated with me. I won't get mad if you kindly call me out, because if I realize later that I did something then I will worry much longer that you resent me for it.
4. If you don't hear from me for awhile, hit me up. Chances are, I've been thinking a lot about you, but haven't worked up enough courage to send you a text.
5. When I seem spaced out, not present for a while, or maybe a bit down, please don't take it personally. I get really caught up in my own head sometimes. I'm probably not mad at you or anything, in fact I'm probably just replaying something I said or did or playing out future conversation in my head. I overthink too much. 
6. I don't want to be this way. If I could just stop it, I would. Please be patient with me. Please don't give up. I can be a really good friend, I just need to know you're in it for the long run.
7. Know that when I tell you I love you, or that I enjoy spending time with you, I really mean it. I'm not always the most trusting, but if you matter to me then I try really hard to let you know. Just know it's not a silly compliment I'm throwing around, but something I honestly mean.
8. I appreciate you putting up with me. Like the previous number stated, I really value those that I love. I know I'm not always the easiest one to be friends with. On the opposite side, I know some of my friends that read this might not see all that I'm talking about. A lot of my struggle is in my head, and you might not always be aware, but I value you either way.

Spend time with your friends. Let them know you appreciate them. Everyone likes a reminder that they are important to others, and you can never love too much. I'm not sure if this post will help anyone else, but I genuinely hope it does. This post was especially difficult for me, but it's something that's been on my mind for awhile so there you go. Thanks!

#ValentinesPost

When I first decided to do a post on Valentine's Day I planned to make it all about self love and appreciation, cheers to being single, and how I was going to be my own Valentine this year. I wanted to start with an introduction praising my Valentine for being funny, smart, sweet, and sexy and then hit with the shocker that my Valentine this year is me. I was going to talk about how I refuse to be upset that I'm single on Valentine's Day and how great it is that I can treat myself on such a day. I wanted to talk about being a strong independent woman; maybe even share the story I told my campers this summer of the princess that didn't need saving! I wanted to explain how I firmly believe that until you love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to love you? I wanted to share my theory on finding yourself, falling in love with who you are, and then finding someone that just adds to the greatness that already exists! I wanted other young single women to read my post and feel inspired and uplifted. 

And all that is true and awesome and wonderful... Except it's not the full story of how I feel. Because you see, while I am a strong independent women who doesn't NEED a man, I still want one. While I have had an amazing two days hanging out with other single girls and celebrating Valentine's Day by being cool with being single, I still would have preferred a date. While I believe I'm one of the funniest people I know, and I have days where I can and do acknowledge that I'm intelligent, kind, and beautiful in my own way, I also have days where I'm not the biggest fan of myself. Sometimes it's hard to find my worth. Sometimes I hate being single. Sometimes I see couples and I long for what they have that I haven't ever experienced. And, here is the real kicker, feeling all that is completely okay!

I don't know if I will ever fall in love with someone. I don't know if I will have the cute relationship, the hard times, the wedding of my dreams, and a long life with someone I love who also loves me back. There are moments where I hate not knowing that. There are times when I fear that I will never meet someone that loves me for me, get married, and have the 8 kids I want. It's terrifying not knowing. It sucks to be in college and never have been kissed, or been asked on a date. To see your friends, the people you've grown up with, fall in love, get married, have kids, sharing a life with someone, and not doing it yourself can be a bit depressing.
AND THAT'S OKAY!!! Because, here is the deal. These desires, the longings, and the wants are natural. It is human nature to want to fall in love and start a family. It's normal to see everyone else further along than you and be a little freaked out. It's fine to aspire to love and be loved. Love is a wonderful thing!!! The issue is when you can't find the balance. I would love to fall in love, but that doesn't mean I'm going to, and I'm learning to acknowledge that. I have amazing friends, a wonderful family, big dreams, and career goals (sorta), and I'm not going to give all that up. I'm not putting my life on hold while I wait for someone. I'm not planning my life around the "could be's". I really am finding myself, and learning to fall in love with who I am, but I'm also accepting that sometimes you can't control all of your feelings.

The guy I have been crushing on for a couple years is in a semi-official relationship (in case you haven't picked up on it, it's not with me), and I keep seeing the lucky girl every freaken where I go. It sorta sucks. I'm kind of happy for them, while also feeling like my heart is breaking in two every time I think about it. The worst part, though, is the frustration I have been feeling for myself for feeling that way. I've invested two years of thoughts, feelings, hopes, and way too many conversations into this fellow, and yet I expect myself to just not care? That's unrealistic. If I was able to just stop all the emotions toward him, then I probably never felt anything real in the first place. There is that quote that says "It's better to have loved and lost then never have loved at all" and while I wouldn't say I was in love with him, I kinda get where the quote is heading. I would prefer to have never had feelings for a guy I will never have, but I also recognize that one of the miraculous parts of being a human is feelings, emotions, and relationships on all levels, and I'm glad I get to experience that. 
I know this post is sorta long, and kind of all over the place, but I really do have a point. I think it's important to love yourself. You need to know who you are, what you believe, and like yourself before you can really invest in others or accept their investments in you (and that goes for all types of relationships). I think it's okay to be single on Valentine's Day, and that celebrating yourself and your friends is awesome, but I also think it's okay to not want to be single. There is no need to be ashamed of who you are and how you feel, and that means owning up to all your emotions (the good, bad, and undesirable). I know that I have friends and family that love me. I believe I have a heavenly Father that sees me and loves me, and that is too great of a thing to put into words. I know great things can happen in my life; I want to seek after all I can; I refuse to put my life on hold waiting for what may never come in the way I want; but that doesn't mean I can't still want a man to fall in love with. Fall in love with yourself, but never stop feeling what you are feeling.

#buttsongs

Yesterday I let the roommate convince me to accompany her to the gym. For her it was butt day, BUT for me it was basically torture. However, at the end of it I decided there are too many great butt songs in this world to not have a play list for the next time I decide to venture into a fitness center with her. So, here I present to you, my ultimate:
 Big Booty: Butt Appreciation Playlist

                                                 1. "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot

                                        2. "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" by Trace Adkins

3. "Fat Bottomed Girls" by Queen 

(The Glee version of this is one of my favorites!)

4. "Bootylicious" by Desiny's Child

5. "No Hands" by Waka Flocka

6. "Anaconda" Nicki Minaj

7. "All About That Bass" by Meghan Trainor

8. "Ms. New Booty" by Bubba

9. "Lose Control" by Missy Elliot

10."Wiggle" by Jason Derulo ft Snoop Dog

11. "Hips Don't Lie" by Shakira

(Okay, so this one isn't technically about Butts, but it's close enough!)

12. "Thong Song" by Sisqo

13. "My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas

14. "Low" by Flo Rida

15. "Booty" by Jennifer Lopez ft. Iggy Azalea

16. "Mamma do the Hump" by Rizzle Kicks

There you go, 16 fun songs to enjoy while working on your booty!

#camplife

This past summer I did something that was completely out of my comfort zone. It was simultaneously one of the most challenging and one of the most rewarding things I have ever experienced. This past summer I worked as a camp counselor.

I don't know what your experience with summer camp has been, but mine was pretty much limited to watching "The Parent Trap" when I was younger. I literally had no clue what to expect. The camp is multiple states away from where I live, and I only knew one other person in the beginning. There were days where I wanted to quit. I cried on a weekly basis. I was sick with bronchitis for about 6 of the 9 weeks. A horse stepped on my foot the first day of the first week. It was emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausting. But, I wouldn't change the experience for anything. As difficult and challenging as it could be, it was so rewarding, exciting, uplifting, gratifying, and educational. I loved it, and I can't wait to return to camp next summer.

I officially agreed a couple weeks ago to return to my camp in June, and I'm already getting so pumped. So I figured, since it's on my mind anyways, I might as well share some of the things I learned this past summer.

Things I learned as a Camp Counselor:

1. How to make a One Match Fire (yes this deserves to be capitalized).
2. A camp song for almost every occasion, and these can never be too loud when you are around a fire.
3. Patience in times of exhaustion. I was a co-counselor for typically 6-8 girls ages 9-12.
4. Obedience. This was the theme of our cabin.
5. The intelligence of children. I have worked with preschoolers before, and I know kids are smarter than what we typically give them credit for, but they also understand way more about life than we are often willing to believe.
6. The key to a perfect tin foil dinner. (Hint: it's lots of butter.)
7. How to follow God's direction. I hadn't originally planned on being a camp counselor, and I fully believe it was a God thing I ended up there.
8. How to be brave in times you feel scared, strong in times you feel weak, calm in moments you feel anxious, and joyous in times you feel downtrodden.
9. The smallest actions can change even the most difficult child's attitudes (at least for a bit).
10. We serve a super big God. Like I'm talking crazy big. Being in His creation day after day, meeting His children week after week, and hearing the stories of what He is doing and has done in countless lives just changed me in ways I had not anticipated or could have ever prepared for. It was amazing, and awe-inspiring, and I can not wait for smores, horses, and the fellowship (and friendships!!!) that come with camp!!!

#ThankfulThoughts

Happy Thanksgiving!!! We are just over 2 hours away from my absolute favorite holiday and therefore I decided to share 26 of the little things in life I'm extra thankful for.

1. Crunchy leaves
2. Lush Bath bombs
3. Grande vanilla iced coffee with milk
4. Chocolate, any chocolate, all chocolate... I'm really thankful for chocolate.
5. Disney movies, and Disney marathons, and those Harry Potter marathons that ABC Family is so fond of! (Can we also just appreciate that they are currently doing a countdown to a countdown; I find this freaking fabulous!)
6. New underwear. I don't know why, but it makes me happy.
7. Fluffy Blankets. I have, no exaggeration, 12 on my bed right now.
8. Cute towns decorated with pretty Christmas lights.
9. Sweaters
10. Snowflakes
11. Ed Sheeran... I really love that man.
12. Fluffy cats
13. Soup (It's my favorite food group.)
14. When friends want to hang out.
15. Pinterest -- it's kind of my addiction.
16. A nice hot cup of tea :)
17. Candles
18. Netflix (Currently obsessed with Sons of Anarchy)
19. YouTube
20. Fresh Pajamas
21. Smooth legs
22. That calmness that comes over you when someone plays with your hair.
23. Letters and Packages
24. Those "daily odd compliments" I find on Pinterest
25. A good book and relaxing time to enjoy it.
26. Parades! The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is something I look forward to all year long!

There are a lot of other things I'm grateful for; these are just some of the little things that make me happy and are often overlooked and under-appreciated. I want to encourage you to think of some of the little things that you're grateful for this time of year. I know that these things make me appreciate my life a little more when I actually give them thought, plus on a bad day looking at this makes me brighten up a bit. I also want to encourage you to let the bigger things in your life, you know family and friends and all that fun stuff, know that you are grateful for them. They probably already know, but it's always nice to hear (and that goes for all year around not just one day a year). Happy Thanksgiving to those that celebrate it, and Happy Normal Day of Thankfulness to those that don't!